


Summoning Angels

by misura



Category: Constantine (2005)
Genre: Community: citrus_taste, M/M, Post-Movie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-24
Updated: 2010-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-14 00:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/143482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It takes John three months to track down someone who knows a guy who might know a guy who might know a guy who might know something about summoning angels.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Summoning Angels

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted November 2010
> 
> prompt: _ghostly caress_

Clean lungs and bubblegum go together like love and marriage - or not getting laid and the single, bubblegum chewing exorcist, it seems. It's not a bad life, John thinks.

The way he keeps going, he might live to see a hundred.

The way he keeps going, he's really going to need to have words with the dipshit upstairs who figured it'd be a good idea to make killing yourself an unforgivable sin.

 

Chas isn't going to live to see a hundred, and that right there, in a nutshell, is everything that's still wrong with the world. John lives, Chas is dead - it's not that hard to do the math.

John learns how to blow bubbles (it's called bubblegum, after all, not chewing gum; he could switch to the other stuff, but then what would he do for a hobby?).

They pop and his mouth always seems to be tasting of artificial pink.

 

As a rule, people don't summon angels. Possibly, this is because when you come right down to it, humanity isn't quite as dumb as you're tempted to think sometimes, watching the news.

More likely, it's simply because Hell has got better propaganda, appealing to people's arrogance. Sure, every guy who ever made a deal with the devil (or one of his flunkies) got screwed over big time, but one guy's got to be the first to get away with it, right?

Yeah. Not so much.

It takes John three months to track down someone who knows a guy who might know a guy who might know a guy who might know something about summoning angels.

He'd bitch about what a pain it is to try and figure out how to get Chas back where he belongs, except that he's got nobody to bitch _at_ , and it's common knowledge that people who talk out loud to themselves are a little crazy.

John's got a reputation to think of.

If word got out he's a little crazy, people might start to think he's growing soft, getting _sane_.

 

The ritual fails.

He gets the pentagram, which is a bitch to get right, all curves and circles and fucking _flowers_.

He gets the candles - white and blue and _pink_ , for crying out loud - that's one shop he's never going to be able to show his face again, and if anyone ever mentions those pink candles to him, they're going to find out just how soft he's gotten.

He even sings that ridiculous song by Tavaris which is just - seriously? _Seriously_?

People who say God doesn't have a sense of humor clearly don't know anything.

 

The dreams starts shortly after that, and at first, John doesn't really think there's any kind of connection.

So he hasn't gotten laid for a while. So he gets this dream about the last person he might have thought about having sex with. So he'd probably never have laid a finger on Chas, no matter what, because Chas had got that whole hero worship thing going on, and John is an asshole, okay, he knows it of himself, but he's not _that_ much of a dirtbag.

He takes a cold shower, goes back to sleep. Dreams about sex with Chas some more.

Wakes up when someone is touching his - when he _imagines_ someone is touching his dick. He's always had a vivid imagination, and it's well-known he's never been all that sane.

On the other hand, getting the feeling that someone is watching reproachfully while he's jerking off is a whole new level of crazy.


End file.
